Day 3

Today I managed another 5 minutes. The challenge today was having another person around, getting ready in the morning. My husband (Jeff) was very respectful though and didn't make a lot of noise, which was very helpful. My mind was still restless, but I am accepting it.

Interestingly, for the past two nights I've been having difficulty sleeping. The first night I swung at Jeff in my sleep because of a dream I was having. Last night apparently I was snoring loudly and not making any sense. Jeff said it sounded like I was talking about math problems. When he realized that he determined that he could go back to sleep and ignore me. All I remember is thinking that I was trying to snuggle with him. The only thing different these two days is the meditation. Could that be the cause? Very interesting although I am uncomfortable with not remembering what I did in my sleep. Let's see what tonight holds. Jeff might need to start wearing some protective gear to bed!

Day 2

Oh Day 2.  What can I say about you?  Well, after my challenge of 3 minutes I decided to ask my Facebook friends for meditation advice.  I had such wonderful and supportive responses!  Techniques to try, ways to approach meditation, it was great.

Today I actually had to go back to work, so I set my alarm a little earlier and got up and did my rounds of Sun Salutations and onto the cushion I went.  Timer set for 5 minutes.  I was ready.  I was armed with things to try.  Well, what happened was I ended up trying every idea that was given to me in that 5 minute period!  I recognized this while sitting on my pretty cushion and accepted it.  

I did hear a bird chirp though.  It's something that easily gets drowned out on my noisy street.  I consider that progress.

Not sure about how much time to try tomorrow.  I might stick with 5 for one more day, maybe I'll go crazy and try 6.  Only tomorrow will tell.

Day 1

It was my last day of vacation.  It was the day that I was finally going to break out that pretty green cushion.  I had some breakfast, opened the blinds to enjoy the light filtering into the house, and went into the "Zen Room".  The "Zen Room" was always the intention, but usually became a dumping ground for everything.  That was until it got cleaned a couple of weeks ago.  Now it is a useful room again, worthy of the name "Zen Room."

I decided that perhaps it would be a good idea to start with some Sun Salutations before meditating.  I did 6 rounds and felt energized.  Ready to tackle the meditation monster.  I set my timer for 3 minutes.  I am a believer in positive reinforcement and know that in order for behavior plans for my kids to work, they need to feel success.  I needed to feel success today.  3 minutes was my starting point.

Surprisingly, it went by fast.  Yes, I know it was only 3 minutes, but for me it was a miracle.  I actually sat and worked at doing NOTHING for 3 whole minutes.  It's not like watching TV for 3 minutes - your mind is all over the place.  It wasn't 3 minutes of silence either.  It was me trying to remain focused and aware of myself.  The here and now.  Tough stuff.  Success.  5 minutes for tomorrow...

Pre Day 1

Over the years I've always had a half-hearted desire to practice meditation.  I bought "Meditation for Dummies" and tried meditating once after reading it.  I picked up "Hardcore Zen: Punk Rock, Monster Movies and the Truth About Reality" by Brad Warner and really liked it.  I felt like I was perhaps closer to finally choosing to meditate and stop just thinking about it.  

When I was in grad school for school counseling, the professors always spoke of the importance of self-care, blah, blah, blah.  I was just interested in graduating and starting to work.  I was about a day into the job and I said to myself - "Ya know what, I'm probably going to need that self-care - just not yet."  A few years have past and I keep saying it and not doing anything about it.

I have had anxiety since adolescence and have found the best way to manage it is to STAY BUSY.  See, my anxiety manifests itself in worry and thought.  When I'm busy, I don't have time to think or worry.  I am never anxious at work as a school counselor.  I'm constantly on the go, I have a million and one things to do, and most importantly, I really love what I do.  It's when I come home and I can relax (what's that?) that I need the most self-care.  

I spend time doing things that avoid needing to think, but are not of any real value to me.  They are a coping mechanism, not a solution.  The solution came to me while visiting an online shop that I've recently had to ban myself from shopping.  I came across a cushion.  Not just any cushion, but a pretty green one filled with buckwheat.  That was it - that was the missing link.  I just needed something to sit on.  It's something that is completely unnecessary, but in my world it was the one thing that jump started me to meditate.  Was it my husband saying, "Why did you buy that?  You are never going to use it!", sure that was a part of it too, but really I just wanted so badly to sit on that green cushion and chill out.

And so begins my journey.